my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
There's even glitter on my cock...
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
Randomize
