Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
He passed out mid-signature
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
