Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Randomize
