So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize
