Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
