And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Randomize
