I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
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