Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
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