We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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