I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
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