please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Randomize
