You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
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