So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
