If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
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