Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Randomize
