dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
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