Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
