Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Randomize
