Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
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