I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
