apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
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