I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
