i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
