I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
Randomize
