Just mADE A PArabola og urine
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Randomize
