Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
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