I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
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