We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
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