Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
