i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Randomize
