omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
Randomize
