If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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