i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Randomize
