Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
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