video games are the ultimate cock blocker
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
