is your mom at the bar?
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
