My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
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