Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Randomize
