Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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