so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
