Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
