Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
