It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
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