A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Randomize
