Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
Randomize
