I'm drive I can fine osifer
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
It's never too late to be topless.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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