in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
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