you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
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