Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
I smell like Dick and happiness
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
