I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
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