my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
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