It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Randomize
